The soft wind blows across my face

For a moment life couldn’t be better

The sun is shining, but it’s not hot

All my worries slowly escape

The coconut fragrance from the

Suntan lotion still lingers on my skin

It makes me feel like nothings missing

When I know so much is

The lake is teaching me peace

While the birds are showing me grace

The wind is preaching love

While the clouds assure me of what’s coming

Nature is wrapping me in her arms

God is holding me close

How can I worry when I look around?

God is orchestrating it all…for me.

I went to Lake Bonny Park for this assignment, and I stayed there for at least 40 minutes. What a great time my small group of good friends and I had at lake Bonny. We went during our regular class time and it turned out to be perfect. There is not many times in the week where I can relax- really relax and enjoy silence. My dorm is so loud and my life is so busy I cherish moments of silence. The Lord speaks in silence, the Lord speaks through nature. Although I was with my friends as I was laying on the dock I felt as though it was just me. I looked up at the sky, the clouds were moving slowly, the birds spread their wings and moved so smoothly. I don’t know how to explain it but I know that the Lord created us for moments like that. When we do nothing but enjoy His creation and worship Him in adoration. It is hard not to give glory to God when you appreciate nature. We took note of the unique reptiles and insects crawling around, each unique, each with a purpose. It was weird to think that God is orchestrating all of it. God made that insect and knew it would crawl past me that day. He knew that I would think of him when it did and He knew He would get the glory. It’s all for Him. Something about the way God works, the methods in which He chooses to comfort us. His ways are far beyond us, and His thoughts are far greater than ours. We are left here only to gaze into the sky and scan the ocean in wonder, in amazement, in awe of our Creator. And best of all…He loves us. The Creator of the universe loves us.

Confirmation

Someone I loved once gave me

a box full of darkness

It took me years to understand

That this, too, was a gift

This is one of the most powerful, profound and well written poems I have ever read. (Not that I have read many poems). This is my favorite poem out of all that we have read this year. It is short and precise, profound and intimate. I think because right now I feel as though I am in a season of suffering this poem spoke to me on a much deeper level. I wonder if those who are not in the Lord can look back and appreciate their times of suffering. As Christians we have SO MUCH HOPE knowing that everything we go through is being worked out to our benefit, and to something much greater- that being the glory of God. We know through faith and through scripture that everything happens to use for a reason. We know we are never alone. On an intellectual note, nothing bad ever really happens to us. Nothing bad can happen to us because we are looked after and cared for by a loving sovereign God who is in COMPLETE control at all times. I think often times we choose suffering because of our inability to see the entire picture. We do not have the capacity to understand what the Lord is doing. Everything that happens to us is a gift from God, although most often we don’t see it that way. That is where faith plays in. When we cannot see, we believe. We hold-strong to the promises the Lord has made and know that all things work together for the good of those who love him. Someone once told me “Nothing ever happens to us and no one ever touches our lives without God’s permission, under His control and with our best interest in His mind.” How could I get through suffering without that knowledge? I couldn’t.

The Outer Self and the Inner Self

I really enjoyed last class’s discussion on
he inner self the outer self and the self in God. From what I understand, the outer self is what people see. It’s defines people’s views of you. The outer self is what you say, what you do, how you act. I think it’s a lot about your posture and it is what people see. The inner self is much more complicated. It is who we really are. The inner self consists of our thoughts, our core beliefs and values. The inner self infinite, consisting of never ending thoughts, emotions and feelings. I believe the inner self is endless. No one can ever fully know you (your inner self). I believe none of us will ever even fully know ourselves. That is kind of a scary thought but I believe it’s true. I prefer the “pie” model of this theory. I believe the “pie” model more accurately depicts the three layers of self because self in God is in the middle. The “iceberg” model depicts the ocean as self in God and that just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Who we are in God is by far the most important of the three levels of character. Which is odd because it is the smallest part in the pie model, while it’s the biggest part of the iceberg model. I don’t believe we will ever fully understand who we are in God on this side of life. Our inner self will always be scarred with pride. We will always view ourselves “through a mirror dimly” as Paul says. As we grow as Christians we refine our inner selves and therefore grow closer to becoming who we are in God. This will affect our outer selves and the way people view us, ultimately the way people view Christ, seeing that we represent him here on earth.

Writing (Short Stories)

Writing my short story was actually quite enjoyable. I have never written anything like that before. I had never written much of anything before. I thought it would be a lot of searching for the right word or phrase and then it would just sound like I tried too hard. It wasn’t that at all. It may still read like I tried too hard to be a good writer, because there is a very good chance I did. I am unaware of what writing style I am best at. So I just kind of went with my gut. I am happy with the way things worked out though. The character “Mike” was one that I really found myself enjoying. I loved developing his thoughts and emotions. I liked evolving his character to give the reader insight. I found myself with a perfect vision for the character. I knew exactly who I wanted him to be and I knew what he would do in the situations I put him in. I liked being in full control of the story. I could control all the characters, acts, thoughts and emotions. It was a really cool way to get across my personal beliefs and thoughts in a creative way that people could enjoy. Creative writing is definitely something I want to pursue. I think it’s something everyone should pursue. It’s a creative way to touch people lives, to move people. I like that. I think what Prof. Corrigan said in class was right, when we write and think we come to know ourselves better. By knowing ourselves better we can better our relationship with the Lord and with others. This is essential… as a matter of fact it’s the only thing that matters here on earth. Writing is of the utmost importance.

Mikey Mike

Life. Life is crazy, but especially for Michael Falls. Michael doesn’t want a lot from life, at least not that he knows of. He enjoys things that way. Although everyone has their own opinion of Michael he likes to think of himself as simple. Just simple.

Mike hadn’t been that happy to hear the bell ring since yesterday. His stuff was already packed, he didn’t have much. He enjoys sitting in his chair while everyone else leaves. Maybe he likes the conversations he hears, maybe he just wants to be different, maybe not, whatever it is Mike is never in a rush. Judy always sits next to Mike and it seems she doesn’t mind letting him borrow her pens. She got up before he did, of course, and walked out the door not saying anything to anyone, but smiled out of courtesy to Jimmy, the class clown. Jimmy would never stop talking, Mike enjoyed it sometimes. Harry and Stephanie walked out together talking about nothing that meant anything to anyone. Mike wondered how they have stayed together so long, he didn’t like them much. He couldn’t help but wonder if what they talked about even mattered to them. Mike feels uncomfortable talking about things too deep, but feels more awkward talking about things that mean nothing at all. Just as the lovely couple walked out Eddy came fumbling into Mike’s view. Eddy pointed a finger at Mike and winked like an overdramatic actor. Mike never knows what to do, so he just smiles, that’s what works best for him. Eddy was hilarious to Mike. They had met a couple times, but never hung out. It wasn’t that Mike thought he was too good for Eddy, it was just too hard to Mike to stop laughing at him. No one but Mike knows when it’s the right time for him to get out of his seat and head back home. Mike knew it was time, so he got up slowly and confidently with the same posture as always. Mr. Buckle was still erasing the board, Mike thought about helping but decided against it. Probably out of laziness, maybe something deeper. Mike isn’t necessarily an awkward guy, so he thought of something short to say to Mr. Buckle on his way out. Most people don’t understand Mike so he figures it’s the same story with Mr. Buckle even though he is smarter than most. Mike doesn’t have to reach deep into his pocket to grab his music player, he has had it in his hand all class. He plugs the headphones into his ears; he paid more for the ones that fit just right. Music was important to Mike. Maybe too important, so he figured the headphones would be a good investment. As he walked out and the door shut behind him he passed Sam. Sam was the new kid who thought he was great. Mike knew better. Mike couldn’t play guitar very well, but he knew Sam wasn’t as good at it as everyone thought he was. Actually, there isn’t much Mike can do very well. At least that’s what he thought. Maybe that’s why Mike loved listening to music so much. It didn’t require any skill, it didn’t require anything at all. Mike knew no one would have the nerve to call him a bad listener. Now that he had his headphones on the day has begun. He has a lot of acquaintances but his best friends come through the white skinny wire plugged into his pocket. His music choice was mainly inspired by the people he looked up to. Which isn’t very many people. Mike respects the most odd people, for the little things they do. He respects people for driving beat up cars and he admires those who wear the shirts from the father’s closets, he mainly looks up to those who don’t try and don’t realize their not trying. Mike loves people who don’t try to fit in, who say whatever is on their mind especially if it is completely random. Mike wants to be more random himself, he just doesn’t know how to go about it. He can tell the difference between those who are trying not to try and he hates that more than anything. Mike is an odd guy, most people wouldn’t know it though, maybe when he gets older people will understand, but probably not. He admires them from a distance. He doesn’t exactly know what kind of music these people listen to, but he figures they enjoy the same stuff. Mike keeps walking down the hall, now that his favorite song is on he completely forgets about how much he didn’t like Sam, he forgets about how funny Eddy was and the meaninglessness of Harry and Stephanie’s conversation. Mike is in his own world now and people understand him here. He doesn’t care about anyone else in the hall, he might as well be alone . . . he is alone. Mike loves this feeling. He feels like he is in a movie and the cameras are on him. He walks a little faster now that the snare is kicking in. People might have tried to talk to Mike but it didn’t really matter. Mike wasn’t there. He was in a movie and he was the star. Well, maybe not the star, but he was an essential character. Mike had friends, but he never saw them much. He couldn’t skip them or turn their volume down, he couldn’t replay them or turn them off, and he didn’t like not being in control. The end of the hall came quickly and Mike’s world got much bigger when he pushed through those double doors. Mike looked around at the trees and the clouds, he looked at the sun too, but not for long. It was a nice day, nicer than it had been all month and that made his favorite song so much better. Mike lived across the street and was in no rush to get home. Today he was so glad he walked because he wasn’t ready to turn off his song to get into the car. He walked home slower than usual that day, he loved that song and of course, he wasn’t in a rush to get anywhere. Michael Falls had a good day, things are better now. He’ll listen to the same song tomorrow.

Sonny's Blues

This story was one of my favorites that we have read. I really enjoyed the writing style of James Baldwin. He uses great detail in his writing to describe tangible and intangible things. My favorite part was at the end of the story when he was writing about Sonny and the boys playing. His word choice and analogies were really mind-blowing. As a fan of music myself, I could appreciate his writing more because I agreed with what he was saying. There is so much more to music than notes and chords and Baldwin expresses that with a poetic tone. A lot of people listen to music, but have no idea what the author is saying. For Sonny, he found freedom in his music, especially when people listened. “I understood, at last, that he could help us to be free if we would listen, that he would never be free until we did.” He mentions how the music was the only light in their world of darkness. Music is Sonny and the boys get away, it’s how they feel happiness, it’s what the Lord created them to do.

I always like reading the little bio the book provides on the author after I read the story. As I read I could tell that Baldwin spoke from experience and I could tell as I read he grew up in a similar scene. So I was not surprised to find out he grew up in Harlem and he was one of nine children. He mentions “When you have a lot of children you don’t always start running when one of them falls.” This is one example of many where Baldwin uses his own experiences to fill and embellish the story in a very real way. I think when we write, whether we admit it or not, we write from our experience. After all, it’s all we know…