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"I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process."

This is in the very beginning of the last chapter of The Grief Observed by C.S Lewis. The Grief Observed is a compilation of C.S Lewis' journals and writings as he grieved the loss of his beloved wife. C.S Lewis is a renown theologian and a trained thinker. He wrote scores of books, fiction and non-fiction, detailing all aspects of life, God, thought and love. The Grief Observed was one of his last books and I believe truly summarized this incredible man of faith and the life he lived for the Lord. He expressed deep emotion and journaled throughout all his stages of grief, anger, doubt and redemption. For an apologetic and hero of the Christian faith, it is amazing to me how vulnerable he let himself be in his book. His honesty, intellect and faith is why I love his writing and I believe The Grief Observed was C.S Lewis' mind at it's best and worst.

The Grief Observed has, like all art, nearly endless meanings. Three major themes of the writing are grief, love and faith. "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear" Lewis writes. After the loss of his wife, whom he refers to as H, C.S Lewis felt anger and confusion. He asked the same questions we all ask at some point. Mainly, why? In all his other writing he has always been a man to have known the answers and he was always quick to attack any logical flaw, but when he found himself in the midst of fear and grief he began to doubt. When he sought God he felt like God had “shut the door and locked the bolts.” Meaning he knew God was there, but he couldn't hear God, he could no longer trust the Lord.

He has such a unique mind and I believe only C.S Lewis himself could critique his thoughts so well. This sets the mood for the entire chapter. A chapter of reflection, honesty, and an overwhelming feeling of joy and peace. This chapter brings a solid conclusion to the book, and C.S Lewis' journey of grief. He leaves the reader feeling completed knowing God is in control. And he goes back to sort out the mess he made of the readers mind. (All the theological questions, all the doubts, all the fears and uncertainty.)

"The notes have been about myself, and about H., and about God. In that order. The order and the proportions exactly what they ought not to have been."

For a man of Lewis' stature to admit he was off base is revolutionary. His wisdom and humility is overwhelming. This is one of my favorite quotes from the book. I'm not sure why. I guess it's just great to read this after three chapters of alot of hopelessness.

"Thus up from the garden to the Gardener, from the sword to the Smith. To the life-giving Life and the Beauty that makes beautiful."

Much like the quote above this takes the attention of C.S Lewis, H. and the awkwardness and puts the focus back on God. The quote just makes me smile. This is was a great read.


His mind and clarity of thought makes me wish I knew myself better. C.S Lewis is one smart cookie and A Grief Observed is one great read.






C.S Lewis

C.S Lewis has been one of my favorite authors since I began reading. His writing encountered me at a crucial time in my life and God used them in a big way. My first encounter with C.S Lewis was with the Chronicles of Narnia. I got my first detention in 6th grade and my dad handed me the 5 pound book and told me not to come out of my room until I read it all. After many hours of whining and a few minutes of reading I managed to find myself outside of those off-white walls. The talented author came back into my life a few years later. It was my senior year of high school and I was just finding who I was in the Lord when I began reading. When my father became a Christian he ordered a huge box of old books offline from a theology student long ago. The books contained nearly all of C.S Lewis writings. I started with Mere Christianity and was dumbfounded by every chapter. God spoke to me through his writing and taught me so much about thinking logically about the faith. I believe he was an author of infinite wisdom and I admire his passion for the Lord. I pick up Mere Christianity often and I am always lending it to friends trusting his writing will help them as much as it did me. His honesty, philosophy, testimony and thoughts forced me to admire his writing. I was influenced by ‘The Weight of Glory’ and a daily devotional with excerpts from all his writings. I have not read ‘A Grief Observed’ but I am anxious to get started. I am a bit familiar with the story behind the book and I am fascinated by circumstances surrounding his marriage.

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the boys next door

The Boys Next Door is an interesting play. So far I have only read Act 1 but I am a bit skeptical of the play. It seems humor seems very awkward to me. I have never been a big fan of drama or skits. As I read the script I can see the play being acted out in my mind. So far, the play has been about several people who are mentally retarded and several people, mainly one man, who takes care of them. The patients, the ones who are diagnosed as mentally ill, do awkward things that normal people wouldn’t because of their condition. The patient’s acts are the main emphasis of the humor in the play. While the caretaker complains of his job and shares the struggles of working with these people to the audience. I don’t really enjoy the play for several reasons. I don’t believe its right to laugh at the misfortunes of others, especially when they have not chosen that life for themselves. Of course they are going to do and say ‘off’ things because they cannot understand how to act otherwise. But is it right to laugh at them for it? Yes, we do laugh at friends and family and even strangers when they do funny things on accident, but do we always like being laughed at? Some might, others might not. Second, I feel as though the attempts at humor thus far have been far from funny. If the play was a serious play, attempting to raise awareness of the conditions of the many who are suffering from mental illness I could understand it and enjoy it more. But I feel like the play is just this weird balance between bad attempts at humor and even worse attempts are seriousness. I have not given up hope. Act II may bring more clarity to the play. Right now, it is my least favorite piece we have read in the class for the above reasons.

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Going to the Art museum on Friday was a thought provoking and exciting journey. As I walked around and appreciated the unique pieces of art I let my mind wonder. I wondered about the people who painted it, the story behind it, and the meaning of it (to name a few). All I saw at the art museum was the end piece. I didn’t see the making, or the finding. I didn’t see the heart of the artist, or circumstances surrounding the piece. All I saw was the piece. The culmination of hundreds of different happenings led up to this piece of art that I would stare at for a couple seconds and forget as soon as I walked away. Some pieces, I could tell, had more to them than others. Certain pieces had a lot more going on, it was obviously not just mindless colors, but a story. Like literature, each piece or art is such a small part of what it actually means. As literature and art relate to the person, what we see and read would be comparable to the outer self. The final piece of art is only what is presented to us, what makes the art real is what that piece means. What we read from literature and poems and what we hear from songs is only a part of the story. The true meaning goes much deeper than the words, or the painting. The true meaning not even the artist or poet knows. Art, literature and people are all endless. We can spend the rest of our lives exploring them in an attempt to fully know them, but we will be fruitless. I believe God created us to be infinite, to live our lives never truly knowing anyone, not even ourselves.

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I really enjoyed reading “Reading for Transformation through poetry of Gerard Manley Hopkins” by Francis X. McAloon. McAloon writes as a literary scholar and gives himself credibility through his writing by talking about his doctorate degree and pursuit for knowledge. I think what McAloon writes about in this article is largely what Professor Corrigan is trying to teach us through this class- Connecting literature and theology to provide a more holistic well rounded view of self and the world. McAloon and Corrigan’s thoughts and beliefs about literature and poetry are similar as portrayed in this article. I do agree with the points he made. I believe that “All truth is God’s truth” and I know God will be glorified in truth whether it’s done for His glory or not. I agree, we should read poems and other literature in deep meditation. We should take advantage of the lectio divina approach to understanding literature and scripture, as talked about in class and in this article. I enjoyed McAloon’s article for several reasons. Most importantly, he gives evidence for all the points he makes. He provides theological as well as literary sources that give everything he says credibility. I was able to enjoy it because everything was explained well. A lot of times scholars have very credible things to say, but it means nothing to me if I can’t understand it. Also, it was enjoyable because I agreed with all the points McAloon made. I am looking forward to changing the way I read literature, poems and Scripture. I am anxious to know myself better and achieve a more realistic worldview. I believe the Lord is glorified when we look for Him in everything. We can find His truth in everything we read or observe. Below is one of my favorite quotes from the article that I believe sums it up pretty well.

As texts for prayer, certain poems

invite us into liminal spaces of sacred encounter, where

God’s grace expands our awareness of the holy within

ourselves, our relationships, and our natural world.

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I’m really learning more about prayer lately and how it connects us with God and nature. Jesus is constantly going off alone to pray and spend time with His Father. Mark 14: 32-35 is the passage on the prayer at Gethsemane where Jesus prays with a passion that draws blood from His pours. Jesus is always going out to beautiful spots in nature to connect with God. We find him constantly withdrawing to mountain tops, gardens, seas. Jesus was withdrew to nature to connect with God through prayer. We should pray with a passion and a love for God that burns deep within us. Different from the Old, the New Testament focuses on the Holy Spirit’s intercession in prayer. Romans 8: 26 tells us “We do not know what to pray for, but the Spirit intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” In 1 Corinthians 14 Paul talks about speaking in tongues and prayer language which is all led by the Spirit. We should pray in the Spirit always, whether that means in a prayer language or not. Jesus stressed the importance of prayer while he was on the earth and Paul reinforced His teachings. Jesus also correctly understood the practice of meditation. He was always fixated on the Word. I like that Professor Corrigan is teaching us the practice of silence and meditation. I believe it’s something our busy culture has forgotten. Jesus, being the author of our faith, led a perfect example of a life focused on God, a life focused on prayer.

We should learn how to pray and connect with nature like the leaders of our faith in the Bible. The Lord gave us the incredible gift of prayer and communication with Him. He loves us, and wants to spend time with us. He wants to speak to us and make us more like Him, this is accomplished through prayer. Pray unceasingly. Pray in the Spirit. Pray with passion. Live a lifestyle of prayer and worship, giving every moment to Him.

The soft wind blows across my face

For a moment life couldn’t be better

The sun is shining, but it’s not hot

All my worries slowly escape

The coconut fragrance from the

Suntan lotion still lingers on my skin

It makes me feel like nothings missing

When I know so much is

The lake is teaching me peace

While the birds are showing me grace

The wind is preaching love

While the clouds assure me of what’s coming

Nature is wrapping me in her arms

God is holding me close

How can I worry when I look around?

God is orchestrating it all…for me.

I went to Lake Bonny Park for this assignment, and I stayed there for at least 40 minutes. What a great time my small group of good friends and I had at lake Bonny. We went during our regular class time and it turned out to be perfect. There is not many times in the week where I can relax- really relax and enjoy silence. My dorm is so loud and my life is so busy I cherish moments of silence. The Lord speaks in silence, the Lord speaks through nature. Although I was with my friends as I was laying on the dock I felt as though it was just me. I looked up at the sky, the clouds were moving slowly, the birds spread their wings and moved so smoothly. I don’t know how to explain it but I know that the Lord created us for moments like that. When we do nothing but enjoy His creation and worship Him in adoration. It is hard not to give glory to God when you appreciate nature. We took note of the unique reptiles and insects crawling around, each unique, each with a purpose. It was weird to think that God is orchestrating all of it. God made that insect and knew it would crawl past me that day. He knew that I would think of him when it did and He knew He would get the glory. It’s all for Him. Something about the way God works, the methods in which He chooses to comfort us. His ways are far beyond us, and His thoughts are far greater than ours. We are left here only to gaze into the sky and scan the ocean in wonder, in amazement, in awe of our Creator. And best of all…He loves us. The Creator of the universe loves us.